


It's Time For Me To Fall Apart

by DraconianDevil



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, M/M, One Sided Starker, Peter's such a teen in this one, Spiralling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-27
Updated: 2018-08-27
Packaged: 2019-07-03 05:07:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15812019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DraconianDevil/pseuds/DraconianDevil
Summary: Peter is in love with Tony and decides to confess. It all spirals downward from there.





	It's Time For Me To Fall Apart

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from Fall Out Boy's "Miss Missing You". Infer from title people, this ain't going to end well. I honestly ping-pong with my ships, from "I WANT THEM TO HAVE A HAPPY EVER AFTER" to "SUFFER!!!" Also, Peter was the kid in the Iron Man mask at the Stark Expo.   
> I have decided to just make this a one shot, cause I am putting all my effort on a different fic. Same fandom tho. Stay tuned!

**It’s Time For Me To Fall Apart**

_This belongs to you_

_–TS_

 

Peter looked again at the neatly printed message on the brown paper bag. After making sure that May was not in the apartment, he had carefully taken out the suit, _his_ suit, and put it on. Even though he knew he was still Spider-Man without the suit, it just felt right to wear it. To wear something Tony Stark had made just for him. He let the material hang loosely on him for a while, enjoying the slippery feel on his skin before pressing the spider on his chest. The suit embraced him, clung to his form.

He just stood there for a few minutes, eyes closed inside the mask. He had made Tony proud today, had proved himself a _man_ capable of making correct life-changing decisions. He would make one more today. Today, dressed in his suit, he would confess to Tony Stark.

Confess that he had been in love with the man for the past two months.

“God does not play dice with the universe,” Einstein had said, and it was as if the universe was telling him it was his turn to roll the dice. Mr Stark had acknowledge him not as a child, but as a man. Had all but invited him to move in with him (well, actually, move in with the Avengers, but Mr Stark was one of them so technically Peter would have moved in with him). Not to mention that he had made sure Mr Stark’s best creations did not fall into the wrong hands. In any case, the timing just felt right.

Peter inhaled deeply and nodded slightly. It was go time. But there was one thing he needed to do first.

He carefully folded the paper bag with Tony’s handwriting and put in a box, which was carefully hidden in a hollowed-out space in the spare mattress of his twin bed. The box also contained the card that had come with the suit the first time Peter had seen it. And three tickets to the 2011 Stark Expo. The paper bag safely stored and secreted into the box, he could begin.

“Karen?”

The AI immediately responded with a “ _Long time, no see, Peter. What can I do for you?_ ”

“Uhm, I’m going to send a recording to Mr Stark. Can you do that?”

“ _Certainly Peter. How would you like to go about it?_ ”

Peter had the recon spider perch on the upper bunk of his twin bed so its camera had a good view of him.

“Okay, Karen, record.”  

“ _Recording,_ ” acknowledged the AI.

He adjusted the suit a final time and looked at recon spider’s tiny camera and began to speak.

“Hey, Mr Stark. I just wanted to say thank you for giving me back the suit. It means a lot for you to believe in me. To know that you’ve always believed in me.” He paused and scratched his head, hesitating. He steeled his resolve a final time.

“Listen, Mr Stark, I’ve been a huge fan of your work and- and- and everything you do for years now. Since I was a kid. I don’t know if you remember this, but you…you saved my life at the Stark Expo, when those Hammerbots were like blasting everyone?” He let out a long breath and held out an arm for a second, as if to blast a robot apart with a repulsor beam, before letting it drop. “You stopped for a moment to save me, and made me believe, even for a second, that I could be as great as you are. That I could save the world, too.”

Inside the mask, he grinned. “It was awesome.”

But then, the rest of what had happened that night, inseparable to the thrill of that moment, came back. He shook his head and focused once more to what he was doing now.

Peter never heard the apartment’s front door open. Or May’s footsteps as she padded into the kitchen.

“What I’m trying to tell you, Mr Stark…Tony…is that I love you. I mean, not since I was a kid, that would be super weird, but since I met you, like in person and everything.” Peter gave out a huge sigh of relief. “Oh man, you have no idea how great it feels to get that out! Anyway, Tony, I love you! Like, love-love, not idol-turned-friend love.” He was giddy now, his heart pumping hard in his chest. But he turned around to compose himself.

“Look, I know I’m fifteen, but I’m turning sixteen soon, and it’s not that huge a difference I think. I don’t mind that you’re a little older Tony. I love you. I hope you feel the same way, too.” He turned around, feeling the solemnness of the moment. Slowly, Peter took off his mask, fixing his gaze at the recon spider’s camera.

“WHAT THE FUCK?!”

Peter nearly jumped to the ceiling. He hadn’t heard May enter the apartment at all. How long had she been standing there? Outside his (stupidly) unlocked door? How much had she heard?

And did she see the suit?!

“May, wait, please! I can explain!” Peter rambled, arms raised to forestall her.

“Explain what, Peter?” May snapped, posture rigid with anger. “That you’re all over YouTube as some sort of web-slinging vigilante? Or that you’re in love with a _forty-eight year old man_?”

There were no words, at least for a few seconds.

“He’s forty-six.” Peter said, faintly.

“What?”

“He’s not forty-eight. Ton - Mr Stark, is forty-six.”

May’s expression changed from one of shocked anger to one of incredulity.

“Jesus Christ, that’s what you heard?” Then she blanched. “You were interning for him for weeks. You went to that internship retreat with him.” She moved with a speed that alarmed Peter. Her thin hands gripped his shoulders, tightly. “Did he do anything to you, Peter? Did he touch you?”

“No, no! Nothing like that!” Peter exclaimed, taking hold of his aunt. It was only when she pressed her face to his neck did he realize she was crying.

“I don’t know where to begin, Peter,” she said, voice thick with tears. “I thought we told each other everything. I thought I knew you. I thought that I was being a good parent.”

“May, please, I’m sorry,” was all Peter could say. It took a few minutes for May to calm down. Finally, they were both sat down in the kitchen table, May with a mostly empty bottle of beer and Peter - still in his suit - with a glass of milk.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were Spider-Man?” May asked, breaking the silence.

“Would you have let me?”

“No. But what were you thinking?” May hissed, hand tightening around the handle of her mug.

“I was thinking of Uncle Ben,” Peter shot back. And immediately regretted it. May looked as if he had slapped her.

“No, Peter,” May whispered, “You don’t get to use his name like that. Don’t you dare.”

“He always told me to lookout for other people!” Peter shouted, desperately, trying to make her understand. “To stand-up for the little guy! To help!”

“And he died, Peter! That’s why we walk away!” May shouted back. She was no longer crying. Fury had replaced confused sadness.

“He saved those people! If he had walked away then, they would have died!” The anger was infectious. Both of them were on their feet now, the table the only divider. But the anger felt better than the shame of lying to her, of the guilt of being found out.

“And if you had died, Peter? What then?” May demanded. “I saw the news. You were in that plane crash last night. My God, Peter, what then? Would _Mr Stark_ show up to your funeral to tell me you were feeding me bullshit for months now?”

“I thought you’d be proud,” Peter said, hoarsely, “That I was making a difference! That I save lives and do what’s right!”

“If you really thought that I’d be proud of you putting yourself in danger, you would have told me - instead of lying about like a coward.”

“You’re the coward!”

The anger was thick, uncontrollable. In a million years, Peter would never have thought to say that to May. Only…he had thought that she was a coward. “You tell me every time we see someone in trouble to run the other way! That’s all you want me to do! To run away like a fucking coward! Is that what you want?” The words just poured out of him. And Peter realized he was crying now.

“I want you to act a like a normal teenager! Not like some wall-crawling freak!” May shouted. Then clamped both hands over her mouth.

Peter was done. Done for the night, at least. He ran from the table, straight to his room. He could hear May following, hear the regret in her voice as she called his name. But he didn’t want to hear or to keep hurting her with his words. He snatched up his mask and used a line of web to retrieve the recon spider.

“Peter, where are you going?”

He didn’t answer, didn’t even face her. Peter didn’t think he could. Instead, he used another line of web to pull down the window. But he used too much force and tore the entire pane and frame out of the wall. He felt a pang of guilt as the shards crashed to the floor, and May screamed in panic. The afternoon sun stung his eyes a little. He couldn’t believe it wasn’t even dusk yet.

“I’ll be back. I’m sorry,” was all he said before he launched himself out of the broken window and swung away.

 

Emotions, Peter found out, made traversing a crowded city difficult. Twice, he found out he had shot out too little web fluid and had to compensate in mid-air. He nearly fell from walls three times because he couldn’t focus on his balance.

He was mad at May for trying to stop him from doing right by people. For not understanding he was only trying to honour Uncle Ben. For immediately thinking the worst of Tony. For not understanding _him_ , most of all.

But he was madder at himself. It had been easy to stave off the guilt of lying to her before he had seen her shocked expression. He was mad at himself for lashing out like that to the only family he had left. To the woman who had raised him for years as her own, and had treated him with nothing but love. It took a different kind of courage to raise a child, especially one that wasn’t your own. To face the death of her husband with dignity and continue on as single parent.

“ _Peter, you can’t make that jump. Your web fluids are depleted._ ”

Karen’s warning came barely in time. He skidded to a halt on top of a building facing the Brooklyn-Queens Expressway. The fall would probably have not killed him; a speeding truck on the other hand, may have seriously injured him.

“ _Are you okay Peter? Your vital signs indicate that you are stressed and under emotional strain_.”

“I didn’t notice, Karen,” Peter sighed, suddenly feeling the drain the afternoon had caused.

“ _Would you like me to play a selection of your favourite music to calm you?_ ” Karen suggested.

“You can do that?” Even through the haze of volatile emotions and his exhaustion, he was still surprised at how many functions the AI had. Tony really had thought of everything, and then some.

“ _Yes,_ ” Karen responded, “ _But I would advise against it at the present. Your focus could be compromised even more, which is not something you should encourage when travelling as you do._ ”

“Why even suggest it?” Peter snapped, sprawling on his back on the rooftop. The sun had finally begin to slip below the horizon, reddish light painting the metropolitan view.

“ _Would you like to hear the latest news instead?_ ”

“Sure, whatever.” Maybe he could hear something he could help with, something sufficiently impressive and heroic to appease May. If she could be appeased by anything a web-crawling freak did.

At least he had one thing to look forward. The video he had recorded before the fight was still in the recon spider. He would have to cut out the whole fight, though, but that should be easy. He had Tony at least. And Tony had him.

 “ _Alright, the latest news: Mr Stark has gotten engaged to Ms Potts_.”

The sun sank beneath the horizon. The lights of the city flickered on erratically. Peter went cold.

“What?” His throat tightened. It felt like his stomach was trying to fall out of him.

“ _Mr Stark proposed to Ms Potts earlier this afternoon at the new Avengers Compound in front of fifty reporters. She said yes_.”

Fifty reporters. Tony had been serious about him moving in. It had not been a test.

“Why?” he groaned, grasping his head in both hands.

Karen was a very advanced AI. She just couldn’t read people very well, yet. “ _Mr Stark had intended to tell the reporters about your official acceptance into the Avengers Initiative. But since you refused, which was very mature of you Peter, he was forced to improvise. Since he and Ms Potts had been postponing their engagement for years, they chose to announce that instead, to cover up your refusal to join._ ”

“No, no, no, no,” was all Peter could sob. He tore off the mask, silencing Karen. He had been wrong about today. So wrong. Today, everything he had thought was going right had gone straight to hell. He had screwed up with May. He had screwed up with Tony.

Peter lay there, on the rapidly cooling cement of the rooftop, breathing fast as the enormity of everything crashed on him. He ground the heels of his hands against his eyes, feeling fresh tears dampen them. He let out a scream. It was the only thing he felt like doing. The only thing he could think of doing. The only thing he could do.  He kept screaming until his throat felt raw. Then, he curled up around himself, in the glimmering New York twilight, making no effort to stifle his sobs.

How could everything go wrong in one day?

**Author's Note:**

> I'm the using the official MCU timeline here, which means that the events of iron Man 2 happened in 2011, five years prior to Homecoming. Thanks for reading! And comments and suggestions are always welcome!


End file.
